religion, bereavement, road races and rights

sorry, it's been a while,
My Grandfather des las t month and i haven't been in the most perky of moods, i knew he was goign to die and it wasn't a huge shock when he did but it's still not a nice thing to deal with. WHat really upset me about his death was that he didn't have a better place to go to, i hate the idea of someone suffering like that wihtout an end goal, wihtout the belief that they are going somewhere better.

im not a hugely religious guy in the sense that i don't go to church but i do commune with my god in my way. I won a road race the other day, and while i was off the fron on my own in my happy place (with my hear beating 200 times a minute and my eyes going blurry with effort!) i realised that that's how i pray, i thought about my Grandad and his death and how he could have given up a long time ago and i got a lot of strength from that.

My religion is more of a miltant one than many more "religious" people, i think god put us here to do good things, to help each other and to do away with evils like poverty and ignorance. So you wont find me outside an abortion clinic ( i wouldn't ever "have" an abortion i guess but its not up to me what you decide to do) you will find me working in a shanty town. I have been listening to martin luther king speeches before some intervals recently (beats the pants of listenign to some shitty trance or some crappy speech from any given sunday which people seem to think is the height of rhetorical flair) and i feel inspired, he said that he didn't care about the quanitty or longevity of his existence just the quality and conctent, i couldn't agree more. Some thigns are worth dying for, even after really finding out how enormous death is this month i still feel that.

so i'm gonna go on with my christianity which shouts at the bigots the racists the christian right and all those selfish hypocirtes andim going to keep taking risks that might just get me hurt because they might just help someone else and sometimes thats more important. I also intend to keep winiing bike races!

sorry for the james joyce style unpunctuated rant its late and i realised i hadn't done this for a while - if you're reading this please post a comment!